Forgiveness and release.

‘I cannot forgive the murder of innocent civilians’.

These were my words only a few days ago, I still stand by this, however I have found it within myself to mostly forgive. It was obvious I wasn’t settled as my mind was a frenzy of thoughts, predicaments and difficult questions. Then I came to a conclusion and the frenzy halted. This seems to be the way I deal with anything July 7th related, I will feel normal for weeks and then have 2 or 3 very intense days of emotion or reflection.

My answer to the question of; ‘Do I forgive the bombers of July 7th?’, is a complex one, but I feel a logical one. I feel we can’t forgive everything, if we forgive everything unconditionally then forgiveness becomes disposable. As I’ve said before, I find it impossible to believe anyone could forgive genocide or a serial child killer. So some acts are beyond the line of what we forgive. For me the murder of innocent civilians at random is beyond that line and therefore unforgivable. I can’t forgive the needless murder of 52 people. However, it is not that simple.

It comes down to who the bombers were and why they acted where I draw my conclusion. The three youngest bombers: Hasib Hussain: 18, Germaine Lindsay: 19, and Shehzad Tanweer: 22, surely did not know the true result of their actions. They were too young and naive and were brainwashed. Their desperation and (I feel justified) anger was preyed upon by the fourth bomber, Siddique Khan. At 30 years old, Khan must have known the enormity of the mass murder they were about to commit, and was willing to manipulate others into committing a crime I am sure they would now regret. They would have naturally looked to Khan for leadership, he exploited this.

I initially said they ‘forfeited their chance to show sorrow’. As it is impossible for them to show sorrow I have to give them the benefit of the doubt and believe that they would be sorry and regret what they have done. When I look at their pictures I don’t see monsters, I see men I could quite easily find myself having a beer with, they are not evil people, they did however take part in an evil act. If I was to meet Germaine Lindsay tomorrow I believe he would say he misses his wife and child, could understand how it feels to lose a loved one and wishes he could turn back the clock.

So, I do forgive the person who injured me, tried to kill me and stole six months of my life. I also forgive him for killing 26 people as he didn’t truly know what he was doing. As far as I’m concerned, I have forgiven the person who created the July 7th I personally experienced, I feel a big release for this. I also forgive Hussain for killing 13 and Tanweer for killing 7. I stumble when I reach Siddique Khan.

I can’t forgive Siddique Khan for the murder of 6 innocent people, one of whom happens to be the daughter of Rev. Julie Nicholson. I also can’t forgive him for planning, and manipulating others into committing the murder of 46 further people. I am not singling Khan out as a hate figure, I still don’t hate him or feel anything negative towards him for that matter. As for the other people, the planners, the financers, the explosives trainers and the preachers who are too cowardly to fulfil their wishes themselves, I don’t forgive them either. But as I don’t know who these people are I have nobody to not forgive. So I am therefore at peace.

I feel I have forgiven as far as I should, and I feel better for it.

NB: for more on the forgiving the 7/7 bombers see Holly Finch, Yorkshire Lass and Rachel North.